Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the FICO Diva Show. I'm Al Diva Rubelgava, and today we're taking control of your financial future. You're watching NOW Media Television. Welcome to the FICO Diva show where I turn financial literacy into real life power. I'm Al Diva Rubalkava, and today I'm tackling a truth we don't say out loud enough.
Most people don't go broke from lack of income.
They go broke from unspoken patterns, stress decisions and relationship dynamics about money.
My guest is Griselda Castro, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Schein Campus in Visaya, California.
She supports couples and individuals with practical tools to improve communication and build healthier relationships.
Griselda, I want this to feel like a breakthrough session. Let's give people language and structure that they can use tonight.
In this opening segment, I'm framing up money conflict as a relationship system issue, safety, control, shame, attachment and trust, then translating it into financial empowerment Lens from my audience, what my audience expects. Griselda Castro, thank you for joining me today.
[00:01:29] Speaker B: Hi. Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.
[00:01:33] Speaker A: Griselda, tell us a little bit about you. Tell our viewers who you are, what you do, and just give us some insight into you.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: Yes. Hi. Well, my name is Griselda and I been licensed for about almost nine years that I got my license. And I've been working with couples here in Visalia, California.
So in our practices, we see a lot of couples, families that struggle with different things.
And recently, a few years ago, we opened Shine Campus. I'm a co founder. My husband and I, we opened a counseling center so people have more access to services.
[00:02:23] Speaker A: That's wonderful. So I know that a lot of marriages are sometimes broken because of finances or maybe they don't know how to speak or how to break behavioral patterns. And I'm curious, when a couple says we fight about money constantly, what are the three hidden drivers you look for? First, control, fear, unmet needs, something else. Like what are three hidden drivers that you tend to seek out?
[00:03:02] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, there's three things that couples fight for. Not only money, but in everything is power and control, significance and abandonment.
So the fear that you mentioned comes from are we secure in our relationship? You know, are you going to leave? Do you have control over the finances?
So are those three things. It's usually not about money, but it's what money represents for that person, which is a sense of control, security, how much I matter to you. Why do you spend money doing other things and not doing things? With me. So those are the hidden drivers, I will say.
[00:03:46] Speaker A: And so when considering that those are the hidden drivers, what does financial safety mean emotionally? And how can I help my partner? Or how can our viewers help their partner understand their definition without turning it into an argument? And is there a safe place to have these kinds of discussions where people don't feel judged or criticized?
[00:04:16] Speaker B: Absolutely. So when I hear the term emotion, financial safety means it gives people a sense of freedom.
Like, if I'm financial, financially safety, that means that I have the freedom to spend money and things that I don't want that I don't have to worry about, you know, taking care of myself and taking care of my home and, you know, my family.
So how every person has a definition of financial safety.
And I think that's why couples have conflict, because they are in two different pages, pages of what that really is for them.
If you're going to approach your partner about money and what money means to you, and safety has to come with no fear, try to have the conversation when you feel calm. If you go already afraid, that's what you're going to attract from your partner. And then arguments are going to happen because they're going to feel.
They're going to feel blamed.
[00:05:19] Speaker A: Mm. And I feel that many times our relationship with money is a learned behavior from our parents. So what if one spouse comes from a parent who was a money saver and a penny pincher, and the other one lived paycheck to paycheck and that's all they know? How is their.
Is there a way that you would recommend or suggest that they can come to terms and try to figure something out for their relationship as two individuals coming together?
[00:05:57] Speaker B: Yes. You know what, it's interesting that you mentioned that, because we all have a blueprint when it comes to money, our relationship with money. And then people are like, what is that? Do I have a relationship with money? Yes, we all do. We just sometimes don't know that we have one.
And it comes from, like, what we see your parents do with money. If you grew up in a home, like you're saying a father or mother that they only saved, they say they were always worried about it. And if you're a kid growing up in that environment, you can. How do you might want to, okay, I can do that and I will save, and then you be that later. Or you can say, I dislike this so much. Like, my parents have money and why do they don't want to buy me something that I need. So when I grew up and I Have my own money. I'm just gonna spend it because money is to spend. So do you see what I'm saying now? When that person marries, you know, then she's gonna have the mentality of, like, I want to spend. And if her partner wants to be like, no, we can spend. We have to save. Is gonna trigger her for what she experienced in childhood, you know, which is like, no, we cannot do that. Putting limits on, like, what she can have. So when she's married, let's say she grew up and married with that blueprint, and she's not aware of that, that's gonna cause a lot of issues, and she's gonna think it's my partner that is trying to control me. But in reality, has to do with a lot of things, you know, especially like how she grew up and how she views money.
[00:07:30] Speaker A: It's funny that you say that, because when I was growing up, my father was a penny pincher. Like, that man could make a penny cry. Like, it was so. Like, he was so tight with money, but if he didn't have X amount of dollars in the bank, he always felt like he was broke.
And. And I used to. You know, when I turned 18, I went credit crazy. I overspent all this money because I got tired of being controlled, and now I see the value in it. But, you know, when you're a kid, you don't understand.
And so I feel like a lot of families or a lot of relationships have these types of situations. And I'm curious, what's the first conversation you want couples to stop having in the heat of the moment? Because essentially, it always ends up in damage and not empowerment and encouragement.
[00:08:31] Speaker B: Absolutely. So when couples are already arguing and they're not agreeing on a certain topic. Money. The topic of money. When you talk about money, you want to be in a balance. If you go too high on the emotion, you go too low on the thought process, and that's not going to be good when you're making decisions about money. So when you are in the heat of the moment with your partner, make sure that you regulate your nervous system before you have those conversations.
[00:09:03] Speaker A: Now, what are your thoughts on partners who are overly obsessive over your spending habits? And what I mean is, I have personally seen people who are monitoring their spouse's Amazon accounts and their purchases, and then they belittle them and control them. And what's your point of view on situations like that? Because that seems to be a real thing nowadays.
[00:09:32] Speaker B: Absolutely. And, you know, the partner that is doing the control so it's about power and control. I want to have control over, you know, that situation and you. And that's the message that the partner is getting. And nobody likes that. Nobody likes to feel control.
So the partner is not going to react really well to that. So the first thing to do is the partner that is doing that. He or she has to be aware and do some exploration on why I'm doing this. Why is this so important for me? Is that really that my partner is spending or is really that I want to be in control? And where is that coming from? Because it doesn't go away. Let's say the partner stops doing that, that person is going to find another, another reason or another way to steal control. Because it's not necessarily the person that is buying things in Amazon. She or he has to do their own work on like why, you know, why I'm doing so much retail therapy or however you want to call it, that kind of stuff. But this partner, the one that is controlling, really needs to assess himself or herself of why are the reasons that I'm doing this. And knowing that the more that he controls, the less that the partner is going to do what he would like.
So it's almost like seeing their partner in a different light. Having a right mindset, I think that has to come with that. Having the right mindset in relationship.
[00:10:55] Speaker A: I love that. So next I'm going to connect the emotional pattern to real money outcomes, debt cycles, secret spending, peace, purchases, and how to interrupt that pattern fast. Stay tuned and we'll be right back with more we'll be right back with more strategies to elevate your credit, eliminate debt and build lasting wealth. Stay tuned. Hello, I'm Al Diva Rubelgava, host of the FICO Diva show on NOW Media Television. As a financial strategist and entrepreneur, I created this show to help individuals unlock real financial power through credit, education and wealth strategy. We're looking for contributors, credit experts, financial advisors, business funding specialists, entrepreneurs, wealth strategists and mindset leaders. If you're building tools, strategies or systems that help people achieve financial independence, I'd love to have you join the conversation. The FICO Diva show airs weekly on Now Media Television and streams on Roku, Apple TV, iHeartRadio, SiriusXM and major digital platforms. Let's redefine what financial freedom looks like. And we're back. I'm Al Diva Rubelgava and this is the FICO Diva show on NOW Media Television. Let's continue building. Welcome back to the FICO Diva show if you want more conversations like this, real strategies that upgrade your life Stream Now Media TV or On Demand, download the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS and you can also watch and catch the podcast version anytime @Now Media TV.
I'm back with Griselda Castro. And now we're going deeper because money stress doesn't just hit you at your bank account. It hits your nervous system, your relationship and your decision making.
And this segment is about money behaviors and people hide overspending and conflict their secret debt. They feel I deserve it purchases and how shame keeps couples stuck.
I'm making it actionable with repair language and an immediate reset protocol.
So, Griselda, let's talk about secret spending and what's the emotional purpose it serves? Escape, control, self worth, or even rebellion. What are your thoughts as a professional?
[00:13:29] Speaker B: So secret spending isn't about responsibility. It's about unmet emotional needs that don't say that they're not safely expressed.
So it could be all of those that you mentioned. It can be a sense of escape, a way of controlling, controlling something money, because I don't control, I don't have control over my relationship or my work or whatever it is. So then that's the part where I have control. So I'm going to go and do that self worth, you know, like that I deserve, you know, I work hard for this. And rebellion, you know, if the partner is it doesn't agree to the spending. So it could be many different reasons. It depends on the person. And that's an inside work that the person needs to do. If they find themselves secretly spending, they need to know, okay, there's a need that hasn't been met and what is it and how can I address this? And they can start exploring. I have a few strategies like what money means to them, how come they need to be a secret, what happened in their childhood, their relationship with money.
Can I go to my partner and express how I feel?
So it's unmet need. They need to express what's really going on. And because they're not able to express it in a healthy way, it comes in that way.
[00:14:50] Speaker A: And you know, and that's a really good point because not only secret spending, but I've personally been witnessing a lot of spouses opening up credit cards in the other spouse's name behind their back and then taking over their credit profile.
What do you think would cause, I know that every individual is different, but what do you think would cause someone to go to such extremes and, and do that to their Partner.
[00:15:25] Speaker B: Yeah. You know what? They're really struggling. It is an internal struggle. They are feeling shame if they.
I mean, think about this. If they're the partner that doesn't make enough money or their credit is not good because they haven't done the things that it needs to get there, you know, they feel shame. And instead of facing that and looking for help, they go and do these other things that just keep damaging themselves and their relationship. And it causes so much stress in that relationship that it is 4 out of 10 couples, they get divorced because of financial stressors.
[00:16:07] Speaker A: You said 4 out of 10 couples get divorced because of financial struggles. That's a big number.
[00:16:14] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: And I don't think people realize that.
I'm curious, if someone finds out that their partner has a hidden credit card or debt, what's the first 10 minutes of that conversation supposed to look like to prevent a total meltdown? Like, how can they address that with love and compassion instead of with frustration and fear?
[00:16:44] Speaker B: Absolutely. So that partner that finds out, that was betrayed, because that's like a betrayal, like a financial betrayal. So that's why I feel so like, you know, anger, I violated, like, you didn't trust me. Trust goes into it too.
That partner has to be in a place where like, okay, my partner already did this. I'm really upset.
Can I create a space for my partner to express herself or himself and let me know why this happens and create a plan to move forward?
It has to. The partner that did that, that opened the credit card, has to be able to take responsibility.
The other partner can say things like, you know, I wonder what is something that I'm doing that led you to open this credit card without telling me?
Is there anything that you need from me?
Again, that partner has to be in a good place. So the other partner that did this, he or she's already feeling very, like, ashamed and is not feeling good about herself in himself, has a hard time expressing emotions, and that's why they went and did it behind their back.
So once they feel that it is safe, they may open up. And then that's whenever they start implementing a plan.
The plan, though, has to be, how can we get help? And in this situation that you're mentioning, I really recommend them going to a financial advisor and maybe getting some outside resources, because I think that's what couples don't understand.
The reason how we learn about anything in life.
Like, you know, you in your career, you go to school, you educate yourself for money. We have to do the same thing.
We do have to Educate ourselves about money.
[00:18:39] Speaker A: I agree 110%.
Because a lot of our money relationships, again, boils down to our childhood and how we were raised. And Yeah, I agree 110%.
So what's your framework for rebuilding trust? When the betrayal is financial, without turning the relationship into. Into a probation office or even a probation period.
[00:19:08] Speaker B: So when you think about rebuilding from betrayal financially or any other betrayal, first the mindset has to be, do you want to be together and work with that person?
Because sometimes if the partner is like, oh, I'm going to work on this, but I may be out, I don't know if I really want to be in this relationship. It's not going to work because you may say the right things, but inside you know the other person is going to feel that you're not genuinely.
So the mindset has to be, you know, I want to be with this person. You know, this is the person. And because of this situation, it's only a moment. It's not our lives. And I think that we still need to work together.
There has to be responsibility that they have to take. They have to take responsibility for what they're doing, have a money vision together, like, where, you know, how much do we want to save? What are our goals?
And then start looking for outside resources. I will say a financial advisor and start educating themselves about money. But it has to take to rebuild the trust. Both of the partners have to be willing to work on that relationship. So that's that good mindset then looking for resources and having a vision, creating unity and support for each other, you
[00:20:30] Speaker A: know, and I love that. And one thing you mentioned earlier was retail therapy. And I'm like, I'm a girl. I just like to go shopping. But you made me think about, am I really doing relationship, like, retail therapy? So how do I tell the difference between. Between retail therapy and a deeper coping pattern that's going to keep sabotaging goals?
[00:20:58] Speaker B: Well, you gotta go to your foundation. That blueprint issue, like, do I. How often do I do retail therapy? Do I do retail therapy every day? Do I do retail therapy on the weekends? Do I do retail therapy when I'm bored? Do I go shopping after an argument or do I go shopping when I have an event going to go? So then that way, why are we doing the shopping for, like, what is the driving source?
Do I.
So I think that's what's gonna give you the difference. If it is for when it could be damaging to your goals. Set your goals. And then I think from there, then you're gonna be able to say, okay, it's not really that I'm avoiding and that's why I'm going shopping.
It's that I really want for what place, what is the reason I want to say it takes a little bit of awareness and exploration, that's all.
And then if you're spending, I mean, if you have a goal, if you have a goal of saving $100 each month, and then that doesn't happen because you go shopping.
So then that tells you, okay, why I'm sabotaging my goals if I don't need more clothes or more of these things that I'm buying. So it's a deeper issue, you know, in there, but just awareness going back to like you're saying how you grew up, how you feel about money, what money serves for you, and you will find all the answers there. But sometimes we don't spend the time thinking about that.
[00:22:34] Speaker A: You know, it's funny, as you were speaking, I was thinking of how many things I have in my closet that I bought and never touched.
You know, so maybe I've done some retail therapy myself.
[00:22:48] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:22:51] Speaker A: So give our viewers a same day reset. What can cause, what can a couple do in 30 minutes today to stabilize emotionally financially after a money blow up? What would be a good 30 minute?
Let's take a timeout and reset.
[00:23:10] Speaker B: Yes, yes. So first, because already the emotions are high. So first it has to be a little bit of time out. So then maybe five or ten minutes where like, you know, the couples are not talking about money. They probably go for a little walk because nature always center us.
Deep breathing.
And then again, the couple in their mindset, they have to think, we need to solve this issue.
And if they're in a good place, they can come back together. And then they can take turns.
They can start with I statements. For example, I feel very scared when you go and spend like $100, I don't know, in that casino. But see how I said I feel? So you're letting them know how you're feeling. You're not saying you make me feel.
Because the moment that you say you, the other person feels attack and blame. And their conversation is not going to go very well. So one partner goes and says, I feel this when you do this thing.
And then the other couple just listens.
The other, the other partner, then the other partner's response, I feel control when you don't want me to spend $100 at the casino, when that's the only thing I do for me, you know, and then three of those statements like that, I feel just listening. After you do that, then you say, okay, how they come come together? What can we do?
How can we compromise?
Maybe you know what, maybe $50 at the casino every other week.
And maybe I can go too.
You know, when you used to aligning, it's an alignment where like the other person feels included as well.
And I guarantee you, because I actually had a case with a casino now that I talk about and it was the situation that when one of the, when the wife felt like the disconnection from the husband, she will go to the casino and he didn't like that at all.
So it was very interesting for me because I start cutting up on the pattern. How come you kind of only go when you're mad at him, when you feel alone like that he detached like detachment. So we work on that. And then if he was like, if he was good doing things, they were really active, like playing volleyball together and stuff, he. She wouldn't even think about a casino.
So by going back to that reset so they come together in alignment and then they create a vision and goals.
Okay, so with those $50 that we're not gonna spend at the casino, we're going to do what like, you know, kind of plan a trip. And then they get excited because they start visualizing what they want from their life. And that's one of the better ways to, to get from where we at in life. Like, you know, we experience things in our childhood but like we want to get somewhere else and sometimes we get stuck. And that is because in our mind we only see what we know and not what we don't know. So for example, if I want to, you know, you know, have these, you know, fancy car, but I never had one, I only going to see the other cars that I. It's easier because my mind recognize it as like, oh, you've been there.
But if I start imagining, because our mind is just so powerful, I just want to imagine that I am there, that I have the car, then I'm going to move that way. For couples, I will say the same thing. When you're resetting and get to that setting goals and if your goal is like oh, we want to buy this house, even if you're not even there, visualize it, see it, because that's going to feel good in the inside. And you're going to be like yeah, lets don't spend this money gives you that good energy to get where you want to be and get educated. Because what we don't know we're not going to be able to move forward. So those couples have to set up a plan to how can we get, you know what I mean? If we really want that now that we reset and we're not fighting about what happened, you know, this evening, we're not moving forward. That feels exciting.
And then but they need help, outside help, resources. It's okay for our families to ask for help in the areas that we don't know.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree with you. And with that, we're going to go into the next segment. So up next, I want to build the wealth team mentality. How couples create agreements, roles and rituals and make money a tool and not a weapon. Stay tuned for more.
We'll be right back with more strategies to elevate your credit, eliminate debt and build lasting wealth. Stay tuned. Hello, I'm Al Diva Rubelgava, host of the FICO Diva show on NOW Media Television. As a financial strategist and entrepreneur, I created this show to help individuals unlock real financial power through credit, education and wealth strategy. We're looking for contributors, credit experts, financial advisors, business funding specialists, entrepreneurs, wealth strategists and mindset leaders. If you're building tools, strategies or systems that help people achieve financial independence, I'd love to have you join the conversation. The FICO Diva show airs weekly on Now Media Television and streams on Roku, Apple TV, iHeartRadio, SiriusXM and major digital platforms. Let's redefine what financial freedom looks like. And we're back. I'm Al Diva Rubelgava and this is the FICO Diva show on NOW Media Television. Let's continue building.
We're back. And this is where I want to shift from insight to structure. Because empowerment isn't just understanding the problem, it's building a system that makes the right choice easier. I'm guiding the audience through a blueprint, weekly money meetings, roles, cfo, visionary spending thresholds, debt strategy alignment, and how to communicate without triggering defensiveness. I'll also highlight assessment based tools like Prepare, enrich for couples who want to clarify on strat on strengths and growth areas.
Sogre Zelda, what are some of the non negotiables in a money meeting that doesn't turn into a fight? Timing, tone, agenda, rules.
What are some of your non negotiables that you feel.
[00:29:50] Speaker B: Yeah, blame, you know, no blaming, no have trying to be in a power control struggle, open minded and seeing your partner with respect
[00:30:03] Speaker A: then that's wonderful. And Griselda, before I ask you the next questions, how can Our viewers get a hold of you. What's the best way to reach out to you?
[00:30:12] Speaker B: The best way is to go to our website, ww.shine compass.com and then there you can like request to meet with either me, my husband or I and we're going to be able to, you know, see you if you want to come as a couple or individual.
[00:30:34] Speaker A: And do you only service California clients or are you able to work with people around the, around the usa?
[00:30:41] Speaker B: No, California.
If we have a California resident that travels, let's say to another state, we're able to, but they have to come back to California.
[00:30:49] Speaker A: Okay.
And then you are bilingual, so you also speak Spanish.
[00:30:55] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:30:56] Speaker A: That's important to know any social media handles?
[00:31:00] Speaker B: Yeah, we have an Instagram, the Shine Compass and in TikTok Griseldacastro LMFT.
[00:31:10] Speaker A: Awesome.
[00:31:11] Speaker B: That's where you guys can find me.
[00:31:13] Speaker A: Yeah. And what about a phone number if they want to call the office?
[00:31:18] Speaker B: 559-372-9740.
[00:31:22] Speaker A: Wonderful.
Okay, so let's get back into this. So how do you keep or help couples assign roles without creating a parent child dynamic?
Especially when one partner is more financial than the other?
[00:31:41] Speaker B: You know, it is so important that each individual is working to being their best without trying to control that other person.
That will be the only way. Because if one partner, let's say they're not so financially as financial, literally, literally like the other one, that doesn't mean that they are not a good asset to that relationship. They may be good at doing something else in contribution to the home. Because sometimes what I see in a lot of couples, the couple that has the more, you know, more money or better credit score, they feel that they contribute more to the, to the household, but they don't see like what the other partner does, picking up the kids, cooking, cleaning, all of that kind of stuff. So taking that in mind too, what contribution is and having those conversations with a lot of respect.
[00:32:37] Speaker A: And I agree with that because again, it all boils down to, I feel it all boils down to perception and how we respond to what our partners are telling us.
You know, so what's a healthy spending agreement that protects both people without turning life into a permission slip?
[00:33:02] Speaker B: Yeah. You know what? Create a budget. I will tell the couples, create a budget. A budget that works, you know, that works for both of you. Compromise on something and then see how it goes for one month and have money, talk meetings, money, Mondays meetings. Couples wait too long to bring this up if they're feeling a certain, you know, Certain anxiety about, you know, money, they don't bring it up and it's just accumulating into like explodes in a big issue.
But it doesn't have to be like that. If we, you know, schedule meetings.
So it is so important that couples have those and they, you know, they can do it on Mondays, 30 minutes. Put a timer. I say put a timer. And during this time, talk about money or the budget that you want to create, you know, the money that you spent.
And I think that if they are open about, you know, talking about money, they will be, they will be okay. There wouldn't be any hidden things, doing things in secrecy and stuff like that. But I will say the best spending agreement will be accountability, creating a budget, creating a plan.
And again, if their goals are not moving forward, it's probably because they don't know or understand something about money. And that's where the financial advising comes through. Like, where can we get help? Who's doing these things, who around us? Or even if, if they have another couple that is doing great in that area, just contact, contact them and ask them, can you talk to us about what you're doing? And then, you know, be open minded to do that.
[00:34:42] Speaker A: And, and that's the key thing you just said, is reach out to someone who can help you. Because I feel that when it comes to money, everyone hides. Everyone's like, I don't want anyone else to know. I don't want them to judge me instead of, I want to learn, I want to educate myself so I could grow.
And so speaking of that, you know, people use tools like prepare or enrich that in couple space.
So how does an assessment help a couple start arguing about feelings and start working facts? Because when it comes to many, I feel it should be an open, safe space. It shouldn't be a judgment space because we can learn from each other.
What are your thoughts?
[00:35:33] Speaker B: Absolutely. That is so true. And you know, what assessments help us do is measurement.
So if we can measure something, then we can get better at it.
So then a lot of couples, if you, I mean, a lot of people, you ask them, oh, how much money do you earn these, you know, this month? And they don't know.
So how are they going to be able to, you know, move to the next level? So measurement tools help us because then we can know how much is in your bank account, how much do you want to spend?
How many apps do you have that, you know, what are those subscriptions? How many subscriptions do we have that, you know, you don't need Anymore and how much money goes in there. If people are not looking at their bank account, then they're not able to measure or get better at it.
[00:36:28] Speaker A: It's funny that you mention the apps and that you mention the subscriptions, but you know what?
Especially me is my downfall are the coffee places. Because I'm a coffeeaholic girl.
[00:36:42] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:36:43] Speaker A: And a lot of us do a lot of mindless spending at coffee shops. So I understand for couples building wealth, what's the emotional skill you see that predicts long term financial success?
Patience, repair, consistency, or something else?
[00:37:03] Speaker B: Those that you mentioned are good patient.
Discipline.
They have discipline. They togetherness. They have a mindset of making wealth and big goals.
They don't let as small issues or not as small. They're not small issues, but they don't let one moment or one, you know, one credit card that, you know, had like a high rate determine where their future goes. They stay together, they stay patient. They listen to each other, they respect, they're fearless. That's another thing. And they look for resources.
They really are like, we want to know more. And they don't see the other partner as an enemy. They see them as their, you know, in their team. They are my team. So if you're only my team, I have to work with you and where can we get from here? So that's what I see in couples that are building wealth.
[00:38:05] Speaker A: I love that because you just basically said the C word, communication, which is huge, you know, And I feel that's where a lot of people are missing things in their relationships. Is that that C word, you know?
[00:38:20] Speaker B: Yes. Well, if we don't communicate, like if we don't communicate our feelings or what I mean, because their feelings about money, everybody has them. Whether you earn money or you're not. If you make a lot or you don't make any, we have feelings about money. And if we don't communicate them, they go somewhere. That's what people don't understand, like our feelings. They just, if I don't say they don't go nowhere. No, they're going to come up somewhere and then this is usually the problem that we're having.
[00:38:53] Speaker A: I agree.
Well, in our final segment, I'm going to be focusing on women's empowerment and boundaries. How to protect your peace, your credit and your future while still building love and partnership. Don't leave us yet. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. With more strategies to elevate your credit, eliminate debt and build lasting wealth. Stay tuned. Hello, I'm Al Diva Rubelgava, Host of the FICO Diva show on NOW Media Television As a financial strategist and entrepreneur, I created this show to help individuals unlock real financial power through credit, education and wealth strategies. Strategy we're looking for contributors, credit experts, financial advisors, business funding specialists, entrepreneurs, wealth strategists and mindset leaders. If you're building tools, strategies or systems that help people achieve financial independence, I'd love to have you join the conversation. The FICO Diva show airs weekly on Now Media Television and streams on Roku, Apple TV, iHeartRadio, Sirius XM and major digital platforms. Let's redefine what financial freedom looks like. And we're back. I'm Al Diva Rubelgava and this is the FICO Diva show on NOW Media Television. Let's continue building welcome back to the FICO Diva Show. If this episode is helping you shift how you think and how you move, keep watching Now Media TV streaming live on demand.
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I'm back with Griselda Castro and I want to speak directly to the women watching because a lot of us are carrying the emotional labor, the financial pressure, the keep it together role all at once.
This segment is about power with softness, boundaries, financial self, trust, healing, money and shame and choosing partners or structures that support the future that you're building.
I'm closing with a clean action plan that viewers can implement immediately.
Sogre Zelda on that note, what does a healthy boundary around money look like especially for women who've been trained to over give or over explain.
[00:41:25] Speaker B: I will say star with baby steps when it comes to money and doing the things that you want to. Write it down.
Maybe you can say I am going. You're talking about women that over given overspending. Okay? So what they gotta do is what money means to them and start just working towards a goal, like a small goal at a time so they can regain trust and they can trust themselves with it.
Knowing that they can, that they've been doing, I mean that they do work, that they contribute to their house.
Seeing their value, I think that it has to do a lot of with values and if they feel good about themselves and what they deserve, because that's another thing what money does, it could be very traumatic for people, men or women, depending how they grew up around money.
So I will say take baby steps, set a small goal and follow it and then you will start trusting yourself little by little.
[00:42:31] Speaker A: I agree. Especially when you grew up in a household where the man always took control and the mom let him. And now here you are in today's generation where some of the roles have reversed and you weren't raised that way or trained that way. So it's, you need to learn and you need to trust yourself because you can do this. And I think that's where a lot of women need to learn.
[00:43:02] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah. You know, I just, I just saw this research and I said I'm going to go back to read the whole because I really like to see like, okay, who were interviewed, how they, you know, when it comes to research. But what I heard about was that 25% in 2025 last year, 25% of women, they actually for the first time overdid men's income in the U.S.
so I was like, wow. So I mean, women are really like, you know, getting into, you know, earning money and all of that kind of stuff and you know, roles shift and there's conversations to have. And again, it's not that is less than the other partner or more. It's just the contribution one bad. What matters in our home and what is the contribution?
I think that's one of the most important, like how each other values money.
[00:44:00] Speaker A: I agree with you. And I'm sure our listeners or our viewers out there are curious if they're rebuilding after a financially controlling relationship.
What are the first steps to rebuild self trust and control with many?
[00:44:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
Is the same way that we rebuild trust with anything else is by knowing, you know. So I will say take a moment, do some journaling, get some resources and try again with a small goals.
[00:44:39] Speaker A: I agree. Because it's baby steps. Right?
[00:44:42] Speaker B: Baby steps.
[00:44:43] Speaker A: So we learn how to crawl and walk and, and run.
So how do you coach women to stop confusing peace with avoidance when avoidance quietly creates debt, resentment and lost time?
[00:45:01] Speaker B: Absolutely. You know what, like doing a lot of work with couples and attachment styles and all of that kind of stuff, what I realized is that a lot of the avoidance, it does create peace for the person that is avoiding. Because that was very different from, you know, what I experienced. Right. I am in the other end. So I'm like, really? How is that peaceful? But it really is for the person that is avoiding, they think that it is peaceful and it is at the moment. So what I will tell women is, okay, you're avoiding right now and it may seem like peace, but it does not remain like that in the long term. It's gonna cause a lot of, a lot of disruption in your life. So you either want to face right now and not avoid, or you can avoid and face later when it is more of an issue, like a snowball by then.
So it's. I allow them to see. Okay, I don't. I'm not gonna like judge you for trying to not deal with the issue right now because it seems that it's helping you and it's bringing some peace. Because like I said as a clinician, it seems like it does for other people. Like the other partner is like, no, avoiding it doesn't help. But for that person, that's why they choose it. Because it feels like I don't have to deal with it right now, but you will have to face it later.
So you have a choice because it doesn't go anywhere. By avoiding the problem doesn't go away. You're just choosing when to deal with it. So that's what I would coach them into it and when do you need my help? And maybe they say, no, I want to avoid it for right now. Okay, how's that going to look like?
Tell me when you're ready. But at least I put a seed in their mind saying we have to deal with this later. And it may be bigger.
And then little by little, they start exploring, okay, why do I do this?
And is really creating peace in a long term or is what I want to call it? I mean, you know, I guess that the word peace is what's getting me because it's like not dealing with it. It can look like peace at the moment, but it's not really the real peace.
[00:47:15] Speaker A: It's temporary.
[00:47:17] Speaker B: It's very temporary.
[00:47:18] Speaker A: It's a band aid.
[00:47:20] Speaker B: Absolutely, yes. That you still will be there waiting. It will wait until. Until we're ready to face it.
[00:47:27] Speaker A: Exactly.
So what are relationship red flags you want people to take seriously when it comes to credit debt and financial transparency before they merge their lives together?
[00:47:42] Speaker B: This is so important.
This is one of the things that I really, you know, interested in doing is starting creating like maybe some workshops for. For relationships for couples that they haven't get married yet, but they're thinking about it because they need to talk about money. Money is one of the things in the list and the red flag. So if you're not married yet, you're on time. So do these conversations this perfect timing because once you're married, then it changes things.
So if you have a partner that is avoiding the conversation, oh, I don't want to talk about money.
Why, you know, why is that Red flag secrecy. Like they're doing things Spending money. Oh, how much do you spend in that? Oh, don't worry about it. Okay. Why do you see, it's already in their language that they have an issue.
You know what I mean? Internally, they don't even realize it, but they're doing it.
Lifestyle. Check on their lifestyle. They are. They, you know, do they have. Do they want to buy a car?
That it's beyond their means of how much they earn in their job.
Pay attention to that because that will tell you what that person values. And that may be an issue later, too. And ask the questions about why, you know, so the lifestyle that. I think that's. That's a good one, because that happens unsettled. But you can really tell it could be a red flag eventually.
The willingness to plan together. If she says, well, you know, I would like. And we talk about, like, how much money we're going to spend on the wedding, and he doesn't want to. He doesn't have a willingness to move together in the relationship, that's going to be an issue. Again, it does not go anywhere until we deal with it.
So those are the red flags. Avoidance, blame, you know, tells you, don't worry about it. Kind of push you. Like, he doesn't want, like, a togetherness. That person doesn't want you to know, like, how much they owe or. And again, it's not like. Because they're not married yet. It's not like you're gonna go, let me see. I want to see number by number. It's not that. It's just like, you would notice in their language and their, you know, hard posture where they are when it comes
[00:50:06] Speaker A: to that, you know, and one thing I always say is pull each other's credit reports because do you know how many people have child support or spousal support and they don't mention it? And now you're taking on that debt and you don't even think about it.
[00:50:23] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:50:24] Speaker A: So look at each other's credit reports, too, because that's a big indicator.
[00:50:29] Speaker B: There you go, ladies.
What? I'll leave. I say, she knows what she's talking about.
[00:50:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
I just think it's something that's so, so important. I have a friend of mine who.
She won't even date a man until she sees his credit report. Which I was like, to each his own. Okay, I know.
[00:50:48] Speaker B: Good for her. She's a smart woman. I know a lot of information.
[00:50:54] Speaker A: It does.
But before I let you go, tell our viewers where to find you and what you want them to come prepared with if they're ready to do real work.
What's the best way to reach you?
[00:51:08] Speaker B: Yes, the best way to reach me is in our website, ww.shinecompass.com and or social media Instagram, the Shine Compass phone number 559-372-9740.
Yeah, just send us a message or send us an email to the shinecampusmail.com and then be ready to work. I it's an inside job. So when, you know, we see couples, they really have to be ready to go. We're going to ask a lot of questions about why to really get to the, to the root of the problem.
[00:51:57] Speaker A: I agree.
Well, Griselda, thank you so much for bringing tools and not just theory, because money is personal and the way we talk about it can either build a legacy or break trust to everyone. Watching your bank account reflects your strategy, but your strategy reflects your habits. And your habits live in your nervous system and your relationships build the wealth plan, yes, but also build the communication that protects it. I'm Al Diva Rubelkava. This is the FICO Diva show where we turn knowledge into power and power into action.
See you next time and have an amazing day.
